People not in leadership tend to think that leading is easy and fun. However, many aspects of leadership are difficult, for example, the added responsibility, the work required to do a good job, and the inescapable criticism.

One of the toughest aspects of leadership is the ultimate need to confront a child or wife regarding something he or she is doing that is wrong—e.g. putting on too much weight.

You can count on the fact that ultimately your leadership will be challenged. It is human nature. Those under authority virtually always test the resolve of an authority figure.

Therefore, the need to confront will present itself, and when it comes, the husband and father must do it. If he caves in, those under authority will push for more. They will keep pushing until eventually they are in charge or it is evident that no one is in charge and chaos rules.

These alternatives will not work. It is God’s design that the husband and father be the authority in the family. Any other arrangement will fail—will produce unhappiness for all concerned, including the one who has usurped authority. 

Therefore, it is best for a husband and father to take a stand sooner rather than later.

This is tough business. Most husbands and fathers want to avoid confrontation like the plague.

Since the need to confront will come, and not doing so will lead to failure, we need to ask how to make confrontation as easy as possible. The answer is found in following all of the leadership principles described in previous posts. The reason is that in so doing you earn the right to confront. You will know it and they will know it.

  • If you have sacrificed as a leader, you have earned the right to lead.
  • If you have taken initiative, are assuming responsibility, and are advancing a biblical agenda with wisdom, you are leading effectively, which gives you the right to confront.
  • If you have chosen your battlefields carefully, it should be evident to all that the issue at hand is one of significance that should be confronted.
  • If you have sought to make your leadership easy to follow by getting into the other person’s shoes, seeking to see life from his or her perspective, and walking down the path with that person as far as you can biblically and reasonably go, then the person you are confronting should recognize that you have done your best to understand and empathize.

Usually by the time you have done all of the above, you and your wife or children realize that you have earned the right to call them on the issue at hand. This does not mean that it will be easy, that they will agree with you, or that they will not respond with hostility. However, laying this foundation gives a husband and father the confidence that he is on solid ground in confronting the issue at hand.

We must confront when the time comes. However, first we need to lay the groundwork so that we will have earned the right and developed the confidence to do it.