It had been awhile since Rob and Heather had been out, so they arranged for a baby sitter and were enjoying a nice evening together at Red Lobster. As they were waiting for their appetizer to come, Heather, out of the blue, made a comment about Rob spending too much time at work.

Rob felt himself becoming frustrated—maybe even a little angry. He was spending that time at work to support his family. In fact, it was that hard work that allowed them to enjoy this evening out.  Instead of being appreciated for his efforts, he was being criticized.

As Rob was about to launch into his defense and his related displeasure with Heather’s lack of gratitude, he was suddenly seized by a rare moment of objectivity. It dawned on him that he could make an issue of Heather’s comment and ruin the whole evening. The money invested would be wasted and a time together designed to be an asset to their marriage would end up being a liability. On the other hand, if he would smooth over the situation, in just a few minutes they would be back to having a good time, and the evening would be a joy and a marriage builder.

Thinking quickly, Rob smiled and said, “It’s nice that you want me to be home with you. I enjoy being home with you, too. I am doing my best to spend as much time at home as I can, but I will try even harder.” Heather responded with an adoring smile, and they had a great evening together.

Rob’s response was the right one for the situation. However, different circumstances might have warranted a different response. For example, if Heather had been nagging him all day on this issue, if they were not investing in a nice evening together, if this had been an issue for some time, or if her comments were more strident, a more confrontational response might have been legitimate and even necessary.

Effective leadership includes the capacity to distinguish between the big issues and the little issues—the wisdom to know which issues to let slide and which ones to address.

At times it is not easy to know which is right. Usually we must consider a broad range of factors, integrating them together to come up with the best response.   

This takes us back to the topic of the previous post on counterbalancing issues. It requires the mind of Christ and practical wisdom to make the right call.

Responding correctly is made even harder by our personal orientation. Some husbands and fathers have a natural inclination to pick at everything, while others fail to confront when they should. Whichever is our inclination, we need to rise above this tendency and the related emotions, and discipline ourselves to do what is best for our families.

Choosing our battlefields carefully will significantly enhance the atmosphere in our homes. Next time you are faced with a situation that seems to call for a response, give careful thought to whether this is a battle you should fight.