I can remember the exact moment when the light went on. It was about 9 p.m. Connie and were traveling down the Maryland shoreline. We had been married a couple of years at the time. As we approached the exit for Ocean City, she suggested that we might pull off and look for a motel room.

Two things bothered me about that suggestion. The first was that it was her idea, and the second was that it was a good idea.

It suddenly dawned on me that my wife was making most of the decisions in our relationship. I further realized that this was because she had most of the good ideas. Or, more accurately, she had most of the ideas.

At that moment, it occurred to me that if I was going to take the leadership role in our family, I would have to take initiative. This was not because my wife was seeking to steal that role from me. Rather, it was because my lack of initiative left a vacuum that someone had to fill, and she was the only other person in the relationship.

My lack of initiative in the practical aspects of our marriage did not result from a lack of mental activity. My mind was hard at work. But its concerns were the more significant issues of life, such as how the sovereignty of God and the free will of man might be reconciled and why liberals controlled the media.

Somehow, it seemed to me that with such issues needing solutions, it would be wrong to interrupt my pursuit for the answer by thinking about a motel room at 9 p.m. However, for whatever reason, at that point the implications of not thinking about the practical issues of life, the ones related to us as a couple, dawned on me.

In response, I made an effort to become more mentally proactive regarding practical concerns. I even looked up in the Yellow Pages some places that we might eat breakfast the next morning.

I soon discovered that if I took some initiative, Connie was happy to follow. She just wanted to have a place to sleep and something to eat—not unreasonable objectives.

Since this discovery, I have observed that many husbands abdicate leadership in their homes merely by failing to take initiative—specifically mental initiative. By nature, many guys excel in this area, but there are many that do not.

Deep concerns over developments in the NFL, angst regarding whether Hillary will run, and other pressing issues take precedent over the mundane affairs of life such as the family budget or disciplining the kids.

Leadership begins by taking mental initiative, by analyzing the various dimensions of family life to determine areas of need and solutions in those areas. The scope of our analysis must include both immediate needs like motel rooms, and big picture items like budgets.

Of course, our purpose for taking initiative should not be merely so that we can be in charge. Rather, it should be our desire to advance an effective agenda that will benefit our families. God has called us to do so.

However, we will miss the opportunity to fulfill that leadership responsibility by merely failing to focus our minds on the needs of our families. An obvious reality missed by a significant number of husbands is that leadership requires mental initiative.