George was a sharp guy. He was very intelligent, a nice looking fellow, personable, had a good job, and maintained a sweet spirit. He was faithful at church, and lived for the most part a good Christian life.
I say “for the most part” because George had a flaw. His wife and kids were engaged in an ongoing battle with one another, and George did nothing about it. He avoided the trauma of disciplining the kids for showing disrespect for their mother, and had no desire to discuss with his wife how she might have a better relationship with the kids.
His wife became embittered because he failed to support her in her attempts to discipline the children, and the children became hostile because they believed, perhaps for good reason, that their mother acted irrationally at times.
The battles raged while George hid behind his newspaper or sought refuge in a peaceful spot outside the home. Today George and his wife are divorced, and the kids all display the scars of their dysfunctional home environment.
Being a leader demands accepting responsibility. If there is a problem in your home, it is your problem. You may not be causing it. You may not be contributing to it. However, you have the responsibility to address it and implement an effective solution.
In counseling I have run across many Georges. The budget won’t balance, the cars keep breaking down, the roof is leaking, the kids are failing in school, and these Georges keep wondering, “When is my wife going to do something about all of this?”
This irresponsible approach to life reflects the culture of our world and our nation. Everyone in the world is wringing their hands over Iran developing a nuclear capability, but no one is willing to do anything substantive about it. (A UN resolution is nothing substantive.) We have been fretting for decades about Social Security going bankrupt, but no one will take responsibility to resolve this problem. Illegal immigrants keep crossing the border by the thousands every day, but no one has the resolve to deal with this issue. With a national and world culture of irresponsibility, it is not surprising that we find it in our homes also.
Most husbands and fathers put in a hard day’s work. When they come home, they crave peace, quiet, and relaxation. The last thing they want to do is solve problems.
This is especially true because problem-solving is messy business and hard work. For most problems there are no quick fixes. Frequently the problem and its solution involved people and relationships, which usually means emotional stress for the problem solver.
Part of the price of leadership is to implicate ourselves in these messy situations whether we feel like it or not. This takes us back to the concepts of sacrifice and initiative discussed in our two previous posts.
As husbands and fathers, we are responsible not only to deal with problems, but also to deal with them effectively, and to keep dealing with them until they are resolved. Often this entails making unpopular decisions. Balancing the budget may require some spending cuts. Responsibility includes a willingness to take the heat.
Because problem-solving is difficult and demanding, taking it on is a sacrifice. It requires that we take the initiative to broaden our focus outward from our personal world in order to maintain awareness of the well-being of our family.
However, the rewards of taking responsibility are significant. When a husband and father assumes responsibility, this not only provides a healthy environment for his family, but also it creates an atmosphere of security. Someone is in charge—someone is taking care of us.
Of course, assuming responsibility requires that the husband and father possesses the authority to implement solutions. The issue of authority, Lord willing, will be our next leadership issue.