This is the old question used to put people in an untenable position. You condemn yourself regardless of whether you answer “yes” or “no.” The questioner corners you by limiting you to those two alternatives. Self-esteem advocates seek to do the same. If you express concern that self-esteem seems to be both unbiblical and unhealthy, they respond by asking, “You don’t think God wants us to have a low self-image, do you?”
They advance this question as if it is rhetorical, that it is obvious to anyone with any sense that the answer would be “no, certainly God would not want us to have a low self-image.” This inference that self-esteem is unquestionably good while a low self-image is devoid of all value reveals that the person asking the question is more influenced by contemporary culture than by biblical content. In Scripture we find God looking with favor on the penitent who would not so much as lift his eyes toward heaven, while He rejected the Pharisees with a great self-image (Luke 18:10-14). The Sermon on the Mount, perhaps the foundational teaching of the New Testament, begins with the words, “Blessed are the poor in spirit.” Contrary to popular belief, a little humility might do us all some good.
Having said that, my answer to the self-esteem advocate would be to agree with his inference that God does not want us to have a bad self-image. However, in asking the question, the self-esteem advocate is setting the old “are you still beating your dog” trap—he is limiting us to two options, a good self-image or a bad self-image. To give him the benefit of the doubt, he may not be trying to trick us. Perhaps these are the only two options he can think of. Unfortunately, he is missing the most significant option—the biblical one.
Identifying that option takes us back to a point we have made in a previous posting, that esteem can be a noun or a verb. In terms of our capacity to deal with our self-image, we can do nothing directly about the noun side of the issue. If you tend to feel awkward around other people, to second-guess yourself, to feel inferior in comparison with others, there is no button you can push that will change your inner psyche to be otherwise. The television commercials tell you that Paxil is the solution. A stiff cup of Starbucks probably has a similar effect. But neither is God’s answer.
God’s answer is found in relation to the verb aspect of esteem. Viewing esteem as an action, we recognize that both a good and bad self-image find us thinking about ourselves. The person with a good self-image is thinking about himself and liking what he sees, while the individual with a bad self-image is thinking about himself with disfavor. The question above asked by the self-esteem advocate assumes that we must always be thinking about ourselves—trying to decide whether we like ourselves are not. You may have heard of the young man with a great self-image who said to his date, “Well, I’ve talked about me long enough, why don’t you talk about me for awhile.” Likewise, the question by self-esteem advocates suggests that the only available or worthy object of focus is ourselves.
The blessed escape offered by the New Testament is found in thinking about God and others for a change. Though there are times when it is appropriate to think about self, that is not the scriptural norm. Life should consist predominantly of seeking to be a blessing to others. This is the essence of agape love, an outward focus that reflects interest in and a desire to minister to others. This focus on others alleviates the burden of self-image. As we are absorbed in caring for others, the “how do I feel about me?” question is no longer a factor.
We need an evangelical reformation that encourages us to shift our focus from self to God and others. That reorientation will not only enable us to be a blessing to others, but also it will build better relationships and enable us to be healthier people. Lord willing, I will be expanding on this biblical alternative to self-esteem—and to a bad self-image—in Monday’s posting.