Would you like to experience ecstasy, the drug form, that is? Here’s a testimonial from a user: “Despite the bad reports I had heard in the media I figured that I would try it at least once. Well, what a great decision that was because I had one of the best times of my life.” Not only, but the joy goes on: “In my case, I’m a lot more into the music scene then I was before, and I don’t drink very often at all although I still smoke a fair amount of weed. I’m also much healthier and more physically active. It has also diminished many of my inhibitions when speaking and interacting with people.”
No, I’m not selling, but a lot of secular and evangelicals sources are pushing the psychological version. Just the theory of Carl Rogers is enough to generate a sense of wellbeing—and the application, well that can send you into ecstasy.
The message contains the really great news that if you have a problem with anger, alcoholism, anorexia, anxiety, bulimia, and on down through the alphabet, your problems is that you don’t like yourself enough—you haven’t learned to like yourself just the way you are, just because you are you. You are basing your self-esteem on your performance or some other erroneous criterion. The solution is to like yourself more, not by doing better, but by recognizing how special you are just the way you are. The error is to think you should like yourself because you have performed better. The truth is that you will perform better once you learn to like yourself, i.e. self-esteem comes first, and performance is the byproduct. Therefore, your goal in life should not be to live better, but to love yourself more. Then you will live better spontaneously. A theory asserting that your problems stem from a failure to love yourself, and that the solution is to love yourself more, is enough to make you ecstatic.
Equally as exhilarating is the insight that the reason you don’t like yourself is because others have not accepted you unconditionally. It’s not your fault. Your parents, teachers, spouse or others have conveyed conditions of acceptance and made you feel that they would only accept you if you lived up to their conditions. The solution, then, is to find friends, a spouse, a support group, or a therapist that will convey unconditional acceptance to you, accept you just as you are, regardless of how you live. (Usually you have to pay someone to do this, but ecstasy costs money, too.) Then you will be able to accept yourself unconditionally and become a fully-functioning person—the person you were meant to be.
This approach to life is far more appealing than the old secular and Christian message of guilt for bad behavior with self-discipline as the solution. That view was so harsh and critical and negative and demanding. This one is full of warmth and love. No rules—just right.
Not only is this theory everything a person wants to hear, but the application produces what the individual wants to feel. It feels so good to be accepted just as I am, regardless of how I am living. Likewise, it feels so good to like me just because I am me, without guilt because of performance. Persons experiencing these feelings of unconditional acceptance and unconditional self-acceptance testify that they have never felt so good. I recall a woman who, when someone suggested that this was not a biblical perspective, began to cry, saying, “But you have no idea how much better I feel since I started accepting myself unconditionally.”
It is little wonder that the secular and evangelical public quickly latched onto this Rogerian ecstasy. It is difficult to imagine a concept with more appeal.
Don’t buy any ecstasy yet. Research has demonstrated that it damages the brain, reducing our capacity to remember and learn. The cost of feeling good is more than just what you pay for the stuff. It makes you wonder whether the psychological ecstasy of Carl Rogers may have some detrimental effect. For example, might it be that the Rogerian approach makes the individual feel good but destroys relationships and leads to divorce? Is living with someone who wants to be accepted unconditionally and accepts himself unconditionally your ideal for a relationship?
That issue is for a future post. Currently we are considering why the theory of Carl Rogers gained instant popularity. The next post will provide yet another reason.